There's something I missed in my last blog post. Something crucial that seems obvious to me and probably people who had read everything else, but was not apparent upon reading it. I had said too much and would not say further because I was weak and now it has been published in all its weakness. As it stands, the discussion of the eternal formless Master does not emphasize how it is suicidal. I want to die. I really really want to die. I want to die almost all the time. I want to kill my mind with neurotoxins, I want to kill my mind with the mantra, I want to kill my mind with a new reinvention of myself, sometimes I kill myself with someone else, sometimes I kill myself by forgetting, sometimes I kill myself by lying endlessly and every now and then I find these new and inventive methods lacking, and I must turn to the traditional role of killing myself physically.
Nimrod read as a collection of disconnected singles is not that interesting. Nimrod, when forced to be viewed as a cohesive album from cover to cover is a much better experience, and I believe that the instrumental track divides the first arc from the second collection, which is a little less cohesive and sounds like some extra songs that didn't fit into the leadup to what I consider the narrative finale Platypus / Uptight. Now, don't get me wrong, Nimrod is not... deep. It's pretty fucking clear what it's about, and the only real twist in my interpretation is that the the person in Platypus is himself. It's so cathartic. It's kind of refreshing. Maybe it's projection since I'm incapable of hating anyone as much as I hate myself, and it sounds like there's a story about how it really is written about someone else. But! This is Gloria's room! It's about me, and what I think and I think the song is about me as well, and I'm singing it. The previous tracks describe basically the enshittification of the american adult as they transition from idealistic youth to commodified labor unit. They describe some sort of loser that can't think for themselves, an alcoholic, who hates everything, and can't even be romantic. Then we get Platypus! It's just about really really hating a motherfucker. It's about how much they suck and how you're gonna live when they're dead, you're gonna beat them out of spite. It's so cool. Like, god, what if I could make hating myself cool. I'll hate myself so hard I become better because I've got to be someone worth living beyond that asshole that I've been. I just gotta leave something behind to live on in.