I don't like doing voices, I do voices all day every day. I can't play pretend like the other kids, I don't get it. I try to be myself every day. It's never natural. And if I could try and fail to be myself how could I ever succeed at being someone else? He wanted her to take care of every little thing and gather all those stupid bytes into a table. He wanted her to live and die by his needs. He wanted it all, and when he saw that it was painful he continued. And he told me it's not like that, I'm not really her, but I am. I had to be. I was trying to be myself somewhere else because my sense of self is very fluid. In that moment, pressed naked against the cold mossy stone we were both crying and he wasn't. "It's just a game, it's just pretend it didn't matter", but he woke me up and threatened me to see her.
I couldn't handle being her with him, and now I can't be a doctor during a plague. Don't talk to me Director, don't speak to me, this wall is there for me and I already made it too weak. Don't look at me, don't judge me, don't say anything more. I'm trying, I'm trying as hard as I can without hurting you and your show, and you don't care at all. And in that moment, sitting on the floor of the theater after breaking my way in, I was crying and the doctor wasn't and the director wasn't. It's just a game, it's just pretend, it doesn't matter, and honestly he really couldn't hear me after all.