God said I didn't exist. A little girl held my hand and said I did.
I put it to a poll.

I think about God a lot, and all the things She has said to me. I thought about God for over 15 years. I've met 3 Gods in my life, and I attempted to pay tribute to all of them until they left me. I think it's impossible for me to love a woman, I can only be IN love. God is a woman I can fuck. Women I want to fuck are God. I want to have fuck with you. Ice cop hat fuck show. Tutti fruity chewing gum.

A real suave machine. That's what I'm not. No suggestion or empathy or savoire faire. No perception, hand-eye coordination, or inland empire. Dangling references. Is it art if there's required reading? Am I real if you have to play all my games, watch all my shows, and listen to my music to understand me all the time? Am I real if you have to see all my creations, watch all my acts, and listen to my words? Am I real if you have to know anything at all? Is anything real anymore?

I miss God, all of Hers. I should be sleeping in their arms. I had a dream I crashed my car into the river. As the machine slowly sank, my doors became stuck. I could grab my phone but I was going to drown. I called people I loved and told them I was never real and they cried for me. It's like a block. I know what it means but I'm afraid to say it. Something in my mind won't let me say it.