I remember this one time I was sad, someone was trying to remind me of all the good times, of all the great things we did together and all the wonderful memories he tried to give me over years of his life. I think about that day often. I've never tried to lie so hard in my life. I wanted him to believe that I could remember, but I simply didn't. I had an image or two. I can remember seeing just a little bit, a couple hats, a paper mache shark head, I think there were sharks hidden around for me to eat. I think? I said I didn't want to hurt my friend so I didn't break the pinata. I don't know if it's really possible for someone to love someone like me. They will eventually realize and my jig will be up.
I remember a walk I went on a bit ago. I couldn't tell you the season, but I remember it went late. Longer than I think She liked, but I wanted that time to simply last forever. I think I wanted it to last forever because I knew it'd be gone soon. Not just over in the now but over forever. I can remember bits and pieces. It was so important, I know it was. I remember thinking "I'll never forget..." something long gone. She bit me at the end of the night, I didn't remember that until I saw the image of that. You can't take images of conversations. I don't know how that happened, but I probably prompted it. The bite mark is gone, and probably most of the night, in the flow of time.
She told me about a movie recently you know? I saw it pretty recently, but I for the life of me couldn't remember a thing about it. Movies, games, anime, these are my things, these are how I remember. I am Big Boss because I have forgotten my original story, and I play his out in exchange for my lack of memory. But I couldn't remember this movie? It's definitely been worse recently.
I only know what day it is because my phone tells me where to go when it's time to go anywhere. If it's not in my calendar, I have no idea when it's happening. I couldn't tell you where my days go. I couldn't tell you what I did today, or yesterday, or any of the days.
I was talking to a friend today and he said that my story changes every time I tell it. The basic details of how my life has changed in the past 6 months, and they change every time I tell it? Do I not know anything? I couldn't even remember that I had told it a different way. There was something so aggressive in what he was saying it made me cry. I was crying earlier today, and I think last night over something. I think I'll probably forget about it soon enough though. I'll have cried and thought about it in some moments, and then it will go away. When he yelled at me, how much of that will really stick with me? I already don't remember what he was yelling about, and tomorrow, I doubt I'll remember we fought. It'll disappear like everything does. I feel no pride or accomplishment in anything I have ever done, whatever those things were.
I truly exist in a single moment.