I did some spring cleaning today. I finally took all those old cobwebs and tore them down. I nuked the bridge we've torched 2000 times before. I unsent my friend request to Ysidro. I unfriended ex-husband. I unfriended Curdle who came back into my life. I engaged in the system. I did good. I established the base case. k will not imply k + 1 anymore. I'm different, I've changed, and I'm a person who doesn't have to wait on everyone else to change around them. I thought it'd feel like a weight was lifted. I thought it'd feel different. Maybe tomorrow I'll sleep on it, and it'll be good. Something doesn't sit right. Something feels off. This isn't me, but maybe it could be?
She asked me once if I wanted to be her, and obviously the answer was YES. Of course I wanted to be her. I want to be her Image, even if she can't be it, I can be it, I can take steps to be it. I think that's the thing that made her different. The Image will always be from the future because it's not real yet. It will never be real because it's not even connected to her, it's connected to me. Our relationship is one on going forward to the future, not backward. I think we both want each other to be a little different, in a better way in a way we've never been but could be. Everyone else I know, they're from the past. They want me to go back to how I used to be, who I used to be with them. They don't even like me. They stress me out. I'm afraid to give them my address.
This is good, it's just new. It's scary. Squeeze the bark. Be brave.